u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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