He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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