He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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