dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
id be glad to
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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