I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
