my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
