Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
