I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
