a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
