Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
