I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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