if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
this will be a night to untag.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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