The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
