If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
