What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
