my mouth tastes like poor choices
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
