Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
