the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
