Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
