i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
