She is in my trunk
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
