I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
