im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
