Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
