I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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