i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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