Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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