I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
