do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
