today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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