people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
