I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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