4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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