Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We have so much sex to catch up on
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
