Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
