I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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