drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
did i just pee glitter
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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