I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
