no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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