The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
