I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
foreskin is a definite game changer
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
there is glitter all over my balls
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
