Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
