Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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