I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
