the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
