i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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