just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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