i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
