Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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