How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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