he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
