the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
