I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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