My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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