He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
