I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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