everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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