the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Naked Twister starts at high noon
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
