Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
