he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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