mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
