Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We got so high we made milksteak
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
