I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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