I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
