Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He? As in you personified your dick?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
