sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
