i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize