just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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