Jerry, you need to find god
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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