I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
