I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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