Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
