he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
