the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Someone signed my nipple.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
