I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
