hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
