My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
