cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
