Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
