is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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