Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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