that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
