I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just google imaged poop.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
