Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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