hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
