WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
