I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
