I smell stomach acid.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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