whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize