I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
