It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
