these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
