dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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