Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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