I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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