I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
